一波未平,一波又起

Sigh. Ever ever felt disappointed by yourself that it hurts?

I am that kind of person who knows when someone has expectations of me, and i can't deliver and i know i could have done it, i would be quite hard on myself.

I didn't know the extent of the damage for an event that happened almost 3 years ago until recently. And my was it catastrophic.

"我已经对你彻底的失望了." My head spun and I felt soooooo little at that point of time. And it hurts, to a certain extent, it felt like a mild dose of bgr heartbreak.

Sigh. This is a close friend. I disappointed. I failed.

Forgiven but not forgotten. Understood but not accepted.

I have to understand how to fit in this friendship. It's like a mother and child relationship when we were younger? Fear and awe of your parents slowly turns to friendship as we grow older, as we gain their respect. Maybe that's what small me have to do. Regain respect.

In the turbulent seas of emotions I plough,

the raging winds swirling me around.

Calm seas and fair winds I yearn for,
Disorientated I am.

The lighthouse beckons,

"Come to my light and solace you will find!"

A new day I hope for,

And hope is what's keeping me alive.