In retrospect...

Derrick keeps blaming himself. Brother, you din want it to happen too. We don't blame you. Don't be hard on yourself. Seriously, you are not at fault.

dad's unease when we are driving
Now i can realise why my dad's (lack of) tolerance for the proximity of other vehicles when we were driving. He had been in a car accident before. my uncle was killed in that accident. now i have the ickiness when my bro drove too close (in my present terms) to other cars on the road.

navy's crest
the windscreen was cracked. and funny enuff, i noticed (before i got out of the car) the cracks were all stopped on the TNB car label. a decal can hold the impact? derrick solar film could have helped too. but it's too much a coincidence to me. do u noe that all the military crest are all blessed? i always believed in it.

trauma
i keep seeing images of the crashed engine. fuck. and the feeling of the impact. how long before i dare to drive again? i have the injuries as an excuse now i guess.

friends
alot of people were concerned. and i am grateful i have these friends. some called, some smsed some msned. thanks dudes.

family love
bid was worried. hanna cried when derrick called. yow told me dad cried when he called him. mum cried when she saw me coming out of the ambulance. yow pretended he wanted to come home when he had initially planned to study in hall. (you never lock door gave it away) i couldn't drive in my state. he din want to put stress on my mum. yow was nice to pick me up at night after the show at amk so that i can pick up my stuff from paul.

yow might recollect what happened in his context in his blog. it is realli too much a coincidence. the timing of the sequence of events were just too perfect. the military would be proud of it.

life
the accident could have gone worse. wham. bam. and we could have been gone. leaving behind all those wonderful people and things behind us. live life with no regrets. when you gotta do something do it now. climb that mountain, buy that house, marry that girl, drive that car, whatever!

so right now, even though i am feeling shitty i am still gg to meet up with my friends for dinner. and that is why i decided to still go for the musical only 6hours after the accident.

if i am going to go, i am going to go fighting.